So many things have changed in the last 5 years. I went from being a married full time employee working on a Master’s degree to a stay at home mom trying to keep a baby alive and my sanity from disappearing. In order to keep that from happening and to feel more useful to both my family (financially) and my community. I sought ways to make myself a more needed part. I joined groups, I started businesses, I built and led and created. It was fun and fulfilling until it wasn’t.
I’ve recently come to the realization that I do not need to be a leader in order to be happy. That’s what I had been doing, wasn’t it? Slowly and steadily working towards leading a community- first through social justice then through mothering communities. These were amazing outlets for sharing information, catalyzing change, and feeling part of something greater than myself but I was constantly moving and doing and striving. While I will always feel compelled to work towards being better (and I wouldn’t suggest to anyone to work against that- in faith, health, and relationships) but there are times it may be best to be still and thrive in the quiet. (“Quiet” is a loose term when living in the presence of preschoolers- here I mean it to portray separation from the outside noise that takes place in our society.)
I touched on the idea of examining the aspect of where my energy was best spent in a previous post. In this spring season of renewal, I also took the opportunity to look at how I have changed in the last few months since that post. Since taking a step back from sharing my everyday life with the world through social media, I have created an opportunity to reflect on what is important to me in the day-to-day. If I was sharing in those outlets now, what would be important to share? If I am wondering how a friend is doing, why not reach out in a more personal manner? If I think of something witty or hilarious, its OK that it is only in my head or shared just to the adult next to me. Yes, I am giving up some connectivity and community, and that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but it has created a stillness and intention to my days that is so much more life giving.
So *PLOT TWIST* I am going to change my word of the year from “Solace” to “Still”. And for now, instead of a word of the year, it is going to be a word of the quarter. Solace was definitely appropriate for the beginning of my year as I needed to do a lot of healing for my heart. I feel I have done that and so it is time for an update! I encourage you to evaluate your first quarter and see if you have made the steps towards the changes you wanted to make at the beginning of the year. If not, be still, and you may just find what you need there.
With honesty and kindness,