For some reason our society has created a facade that women need to be stoic islands. I think this has created a space for women who are lonely, depressed, sad, mad, frustrated, concerned, stressed, worried, and burdened to shut themselves off (even easier done when you are a SAHM or a WFHM) because it is easier to have those feelings alone then share them with the people or because their is a feeling that other peoples’ lives are more involved then our own. We’ve created a martyr-esque society that thinks people are too busy to love on their friends and neighbors.
Here’s how I am defining the modern-day (non-religious) martyrs: someone who is a constant sufferer. The person who, even when their tribe is wanting to lift them up, lend a hand, or just give a hug, chooses to block those opportunities because it may cause the other tribe member extra effort. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. The people you surround yourself with like you and probably even LOVE you and they are doing these things for you to help you feel, do, see, be better. Why do you thwart their efforts?
I recently read Hallie Lord‘s book The Other Side of Fear and in a particularly humbling circumstance she had to let people love her. It was a hard pill to swallow because fear, anxiety, and the possibility of rejection held onto her tightly. BUT there was no other way out of her situation then to ask for her (God’s and) friends’ help. Her friends, coworkers, neighbors, and family showed up for her and she let them. It made me think about they people around me, the people I invest my time with and hope they in turn are willing to invest their time into me and I came to a conclusion:
The Honest T take- most of the people in your weekly circle of contact would be willing to help you emotionally, physically, and even financially if you would (ask and) let them. Yes, we are all busy, some of us strapped, most frantic, but 98% of us are willing to help a friend in need. Maybe you never voiced your need or maybe you specifically voiced your need- LET PEOPLE SHOW UP FOR YOU. LET PEOPLE LOVE YOU. (yes, I’m yelling that at you).
If I love you, let me. If I am offering my time, talent, or treasure to you, please, take it. Not only do I want to give it to you, it is hurtful to me that you, my friend, don’t want these precious things from me. Now, this is not saying let people drop in anytime they please, or let them pay for the one egg that was borrowed, or that you have to take the free painting class they’re offering if it doesn’t interest you. What I am saying is that when your tribe people want to take you to dinner for your promotion, or spend a time hanging out in your box filled home before you move even though its not comfortable, or show you how to hand letter an envelope during nap time, or bake you their famous rum cake, or drop off a pizza and cozy socks at your door because your kids are full of snot and you’re solo parenting and they know you need it- please let them. Maybe you didn’t know you even wanted or needed this thing from them but I promise, it will be good for both of your souls.